My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
