i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
