We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
