is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
