as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
