oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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