i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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