Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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