I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
