let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
