My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
