New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
