The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
