Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
