I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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