1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
