Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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