Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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