Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
