Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
