Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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