"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
