I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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