Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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