I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
