Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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