No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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