You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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