Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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