saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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