Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
