There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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