who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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