Michael Bay diarrhea
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The uberlube is also flammable
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
