His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
