I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think my moral compass just broke
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize