Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
