So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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