chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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