I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
