Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize