Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
