Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
