well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
