I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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