i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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