girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
