i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
