So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
