my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
