For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
