i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
