If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
