he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
