So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
