You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she told me i tasted like america
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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