Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
