im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
