So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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