Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
