So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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