Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
