Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
