Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
