I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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