i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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