My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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