So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
