i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how can u be prego again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
