I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize