Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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