Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
