I didn't shave. On purpose
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i've created a new STD.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
