Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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