everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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