So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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