I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
